this ONE method saved our dates
My husband and I have been together for more than two decades and one of our repeated arguments was around going on dates. We are always impressed by couples who make regular dates happen even with kids! After many years, we have figured out how to go on dates regularly, but then there was another problem…
we found ourselves doing the same things over and over and one of us was usually left unfulfilled. I didn’t want to do what he wanted to do and he didn’t want to do what I wanted to do. Or, we would sit for what felt like hours trying to decide what to do. It was annoying and frustrating. So by the time we begrudgingly made the choice to just go out to eat, it was hard to enjoy each others’ company until this unlikely solution-
I credit my friend’s therapist who gave her the most brilliant idea for dates who then shared it with me (she knew we were having problems!)-
brilliant method for easy dates that has you connecting each other
1. Take turns planning for the date.
2. Whoever plans the date gets to decide what THEY want to do, NOT what the other person wants to do.
3. The other person has to accept it.
While it is nice trying to cater to your partner’s needs, it can be stressful too. I know it was for us. This was a big mind shift. There are several reasons for going on dates when you are married- having uninterrupted time, having fun, connecting, but the one reason we have not considered is going on dates to get to know each other again, even after years.
Ever since we tried this method, our dates allowed exactly this- getting to know the other person. For example, sometimes I would take us to a museum late morning (because I prefer morning/afternoon time together) if there was a neat exhibit happening. Or, he would take me to a restaurant he’s been wanting to try, but haven’t had a chance to because I am usually the one who picks where we eat. You get a chance to know what interests your partner and you get to spend time in a way that may be different from how you would spend the time.
This simple method has made dates EASY and FUN. It has also allowed us to be respectful of each others’ decision, which is something I am still working on.
What about you? Do you date your spouse, and is there a secret method that has worked for you on making it easy and fun?
